I’m here to talk about one of the most important Siddhis in my life. This city I am speaking of from a higher energy state, because I’m using a different technique to record, I’m using ways to manage my own energy and raise it up on this marathon. This is a statement to and a testament of consistency of which I spoke about in yesterday’s hour long track. If you really want to experience something immediately, the most likely way you can have mystical experience quickly is by dramatically increasing the amount of intensity in your environment. Again, I would not recommend this through drugs because drugs can alter your perception, drugs can discredit you and while drugs may feel intense, you’re not in full control of your faculties. So whatever you learn while artificially enhancing moments, there’s a chance that might not apply to moments when you’re “sober”. And the most powerful moments of magic I’ve had, were when I was completely sober. I need to advocate this a lot because I am someone who believes in the power of plant medicines and I want to battle fiercely against society’s misconceptions that power plants are abused – no they are used to get to higher and altered states of consciousness when used appropriately. Everything can be used inappropriately look at caffeine, look at chocolate, look at our obesity epidemic. Most of us use food inappropriately but if we use food appropriately look at what can happen? No need to answer that question. Why do you need to get a hold of your power even just a little bit take this seriously – it could save a life.
In the summer of 2007, I had achieved the biggest business victories that I’ve ever found. My goal that summer was to achieve $100,000 in sales. I knew that if I could do that as a student working part time, then I could definitely run a business big enough to pay my own wages, and while I hadn’t done the calculations and spreadsheets, a major … for any business owner, I knew that that amount of money could grow and there would be enough to live on – maybe not super well the first year – but live on after at the end of the page…. Digital formats… Note to reader – I ended up earning $94,000 my first year out of school due to my own business still working part-time – that’s the power of meditation.
But that year I had done really well, and to celebrate the victories my managers and sales people helped me achieve and to plan for the future, I scheduled a dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant. I didn’t go into that dinner however excited or positive or happy. It felt like an obligation. I was reminded of my initial goal in launching business was to learn how to run a business successfully so my artwork could thrive, so my creative passions could thrive, and because I wanted to build a life making money from those, not something I didn’t enjoy. Thankfully I am not in that position as I am recording this – I am earning a living from sources that are A) not directly tied to my creativity so it doesn’t affect it in a negative way – but B) from a business I can run and sustain that is profitable.
Now, it’s really important for the next part of this message to come through clearly. I have and continue to have throughout all my years of study, up until that point believe in the truth of magic. Sometimes I was distracted from it – but most of the time I believed it and wanted to put more time into it. The reason I wasn’t was because I was so detached from my intuition, I was so detached from my truth. My third chakra was weak, my sixth chakra was weak, and I had just given myself a big education and I was going into action that I knew were non-ideal. But I needed to learn self-reliance, and spirit helped me with that, something that would definitely come in later in the future, and definitely build the foundation of skills for my future enterprises teaching, speaking and performing individual coaching sessions worldwide. I was entering a situation which would alter my life forever.
In the middle of dinner, right after the food arrived, I got a phone call and I knew with trepidation that something was bad and something was wrong, it was my dad – he had very rarely called me, mainly because I usually called him and once or twice a week of conversation seemed fine for him, which my mom wanted to talk everyday. And the phone call gave me trepidation not just because that stat which wasn’t even on the top of my mind, but because of the feeling of deep embodied knowledge because they’re all connected.
“I saw the doctor last week for a routine colonoscopy,” he said, in a regular level-tone voice, “and the test results came back,” and I knew why he was calling me and there would be no other reason that he was going to say, “I have cancer.” Those were his words, and I thought “Ohh, fuck, shit” for about a second – and then I realized I had to be the supportive son, and that I would want the same for myself.
So I said, “Oh. What can they do about it What are you planning on doing? What are you feeling? What can I do to help?” My dad, bless his soul as compassionate and kind as he was, did a big thing for me – in saying he wanted me to focus on school and work, those are important, that he would deal with this himself. He cared about self-reliance, and while now I might have the ability and patience and tenderness and kindness and love in my to help him, that time I didn’t, and Michigan was going into a recession and I needed to have income. It doesn’t matter that I was accepted to work at Google, I wanted my own business, Google was really hot shit back then it was a tough choice. But a decision that ultimately kept me on the path to entrepreneurship was realizing that I needed to control my own schedule. What if his cancer got worse? What if his treatment failed and I had to take care of my mom after he died? I needed a career that I could control and eventually be independent and free of, so that I could be there for my family if they needed me.
Fast forward through the months of doctor consultations, chemotherapy, and endless hours of waiting. I’m driving in Ann Arbor on my way to, of all places, Whole Foods, and my dad is in the ER. I got a call from the nurse because my mom is beside herself, saying that my dad’s colon had burst during a colonoscopy likely due to the inflammation of his intestines from chemo, and that he was running in for immediate surgery. If your colon bursts, that means all of the stuff inside of your colon that your body is purposefully keeping from the rest of itself, is getting everywhere; polluting stuff, giving acidic burns, and essentially that the tube that takes food outside of your body is broken, and if digestion isn’t working, you’re dead. And if you have that type of internal bleeding, you’re dead. This was a pretty shitty scenario. I get to the hospital, I wait with my mom, and my dad really hadn’t been doing well at that point. Mom and I are talking and while we’re in the waiting room, an elevator opens and a doctor comes out in scrubs that don’t look entirely clean. He had a somber look on his face, and my mom grabs my hand saying “Oh God, oh God, please let him be okay,” and I just knew that something was up – doctors don’t come up in the middle of surgery unless they have a happy face.
“Can we go talk in a private room?” My mom couldn’t get up she said, “no, we’ll talk here,” and I said “it’s fine”. He went on to say, “Larry’s kidneys aren’t functioning. I’m going to try and get them going and try to help them work, but ultimately he’s going to need dialysis – for this level of shutdown, possibly several months – but he might need it permanently.”
“Oh God,” my mom said. I asked him if he knew if it would what would affect it. He said it depended on the surgery and how things went, but at least for several months this was major. A few more pleasantries and he left to go back to the OR. My mom was too out there for me to even have a positive impact on her. I think she might have actually gotten up at that point to talk to nurses, to ask questions or started doing research to solve the problem – just something constructive to take her mind off of it. I picked up my computer, walked away, and started doing homework because I couldn’t comfort her. She didn’t want me around, she didn’t want me to see her like this, and she was also running around (Transcribing – clean up this section) She either sat down, I wanted to be with her. She’d go between sitting down and walking around.
So any way, I was like, if I can’t do anything about it I might as well not let it affect my emotions and practically get my stuff done. And I realized that while I was trying to master my emotions, there was something else that I could do. So I kept my computer open, and I dimmed the screen significantly and I added many blank spaces between the words I was typing. I wanted to look like I was looking at my computer. After all I couldn’t just stand up, cast a circle, call the corners, evoke the spirits of healing and chant out loud – especially without my incense and crystals – everything that I wanted to do, at least that’s what my current wiccan training was providing. So I sat in stillness, I sat in knowing, I was grounded as if something overtook me – and this was before the seminar, this was before my business – I …. I knew this was time for my old training to be used for a new, constructive, current purposes – this was who I was at my core, and my dad would be well, he would be fine, his kidneys would flow, his bladder would flow, his body would be alright, there was no problem with his body, he is completely whole, he is completely healed. This I intend. This I manifest. I will. This is. Just a channeled a reminder of that. Great. Once I finished that powerful invocation, I felt no need to continue on with the energy. So, I closed my laptop. Stood up. Took a breather. Got some hot chocolate. Went back down to my computer, opened a page up to start doing notes. I felt a tingling though, and I knew it wasn’t just yet time to begin working. I had tried breathing. I had tried thinking. I had tried psychically shooting my spirit down there to look for things. I had done all I needed to do and, frankly, all I could do, that was a pretty heavy ordeal, even though the entire manifestation might have taken 30 seconds and it built up to one peak moment – that was draining, a lot went through my system. And I tried in vain to look at different notes and look at different tabs and connect with the hotel’s wi-fi and look over and think about my mom – and the elevator door opened again with the same kidney doctor. I saw my mom really got nervous because she worried. And I knew with stillness that things were fine. My knowing did not waver.
“How is he? How’s he doing? Is he alright? What’s up? Did he die?” all these flooded out of my mom’s lips in less than 10 seconds. ”He’s actually doing a lot better and we’re sewing him up. We’ll put him on dialysis for a few hours to be safe, but his kidneys started working fine about 5 minutes ago and he almost definitely won’t need it for months. Now maybe a few days, but I don’t expect anything serious.” My mom seemed shocked. She seemed like she couldn’t believe her ears – she kept asking questions for confirmation. “Thank you,” I said. It seemed that she was in good hands and wanted to connect deeply and personally, privately one-on-one. I got up and went to get some more chocolate.